I just feel so stuck right now. My husband is deployed, won't be back for a bit yet. My PCM is screwing around with the one measly letter he has to send to get us into the IVF program we want. Its just waiting, waiting, waiting. I'm seriously thinking about switching to a diffrent place. I just need info on it. It will be in San Antonio where the Husbands brother lives. We could always crash with them or I have the hookup in lodging on the base. Its no too much of a horrific drie, only about 11 hours. I think its like 18+ to the other place we were thinking about. I'm just so sad and angry about the whole thing. Honestly I think it has more to do with its not me with the problem. If it were me I'd be researching and calling and talking about my feelings with anyone who wouold pretend to listen. We let people think the problem lies with me and I'm ok with that. Sometimes I just wanna scream I'M NOT INFERTILE!! But the truth is, I am. My husband has Male Factor and we're in this together. I'm learning day to day how to deal with this. Somedays are better, somedays its bitter, party of one. Through it all though, nothing has been able to stop me from prowling the baby aisle at Target. I freaking love the stuff there. Someday I will get to register there. Someday it'll be alright.
Right now, or really the last week I have relly been giving some thought as to how long I really want to go before we head on to adoption. Right now I think 3 cycles of IVF/ICSI will be enough. If we can't do it in 3, I don't think I'll have the financial or emotional will to go again. I'd rather regroup and move on to adoption. Saturday was a bad day. Saturday I just wanted to move on to adoption. I just want a damn baby! I really care less how it comes. I would love a biological child but I'm so not picky. I'm one bad horomonal day away from stealing a baby from wal.mart. Seriously. They just leave them there unattended. You can almost see the Free To A Good Home sign pinned to thier little onesies.
No comments:
Post a Comment