Alone again, naturally

Well he's gone. Deployment 2012 started Friday morning when I dropped him off at the DCC* about 0830. I went grocery shopping right after then went home and put some stew in the crockpot and did abou 9 loads of laundry (mostly linens). The first few days and weeks aren't that bad really, you get so used to them being at work for long hours or short training trips so you can almost convince yourself that's what is going on at first. Then you hit your groove and everything is smoothe: you work, you come home, chores, dinner, tv..it's your choice! No compromise about what to eat or watch. I once ate sushi every night for 2 weeks because when Husband's home I never get it. I can read all night long in bed without anyone bitching about the light being on at 3 am. These few weeks are actually enjoyable IF you let them be and you should! Then comes the down swing..You miss him so bad it hurts. Everything pisses you off because you have to do EVERYTHING yourself. Tantrums are frequent. Bitchiness abounds. And then one day you wake up and realize, hey he'll be home soon! Followed quickly by: I haven't done any chores beyond basic housework in weeks, I haven't shaved my legs since the night before he left and there's no food in the house since I've eaten out pretty much ever other night for the last month. Homecoming outfits must be planned and shopped for. Hair, manicure and pedicure appointments must be made. And then finally you wait in a hangar for a plane to touch down and of course your spouse will always be the last guy off the plane..and it's over! You made it, you survived another deployment. Some experiences may vary, if you sat at home the whole time crying about how bad your life is..well yeah, it will suck worse for you. nobody is having a good time but how you choose to spend your time is up to you.


So that's that. On the baby side, we finally got to hear the heartbeat! It took him forever to find it, I started to panic and get upset so when he did find it I still wasn't very calm and didn't get to bask in it like I hoped. Then it turned into a full fledged panic attack- the Dr ended up giving me a low dose xan.ax because once the panic train has pulled out of the station for me there is no stopping. Then I felt worse for being an overreacting spaz. I think it was a lot of things that had been piling up and it taking 5 minutes to find the heartbeat just did me in. But in the end all that matters is we got to hear it, it was nice and strong! Ooh..gender reveal on Feb 18!






*DCC- Deployment Control Center, where all deploying troops gather to drop their bags off, get copies of orders, get issued any extra equipment or weapons ect. Its one stop shopping for outbound troops. Spouses and such aren't allowed access to the building so there is a lot of PDA in the parking lot.

My child is already showing its ass. That is pretty much all we could get a shot off. Every time the lady would move the paddle The Dark Passenger would flip over and face the other way. Camera shy just like me! I was a bit worried when she started, I wasn't seeing any movement and the tech wasn't saying anything. I finally had to ask "Um, is it moving??" and she said "Yep". Thanks for the reassurance lady! Everything looks good, heart rate was great and they moved my due date up 3 days.

My new thing is telling my husband we're going to have a homebirth. That we're gonna move the coffee table, throw down a tarp and inflate a pool right in the living room. Order some pizzas and a pay-per-view, invite the whole family! I'm only half kidding actually..the only thing is I'm not sure I'll be able to clean my house well enough to have people over. Maybe!

Wearing the maternity pants wouldn't be so bad if I looked a wee bit pregnant. I still look like I had a big lunch. And a big breakfast. Like I stored up fat for a long winter even though I live in tropical climate. I even lost 4 pounds since this whole thing started! Which is good because you only gain 25 during pregnancy right? Cuz that's all I'm gonna gain. well, actually 29 pounds since I'm negative 4 pounds. I'm pretty sure that's how math works.

Our ultrasound got moved up a week since the rotator (the huge ass aircraft that they pile all the troops and their gear in for an 18 hour flight to their theater locations) is leaving much sooner than we thought. Fun Fact: no actual clue when it leaves we only get about 48 hours notice to his departure time but we get strong hints. Its probably the best part of being part of a special ops base and its secret squirrel tactics. So we get to on monday and see the Dark Passenger..I'm nervous. A million bad things are all I can think about, really just one bad thing. Nothing but seeing a live person bopping around in there will fix those fears. And I'm a fearful and guilt ridden wench these days. I feel like I betrayed my tribe a bit. I sort of expected these feelings but it doesn't make me feel better though or less guilty about being pregnant which is probably a stupid thing to say and it's ok if you just called me a retarded whore. I think it's the hyper awareness that not everyone gets to go on this trip and for some it doesn't end well. Just a big ball of angst over here.

A New Year, Same Old Slacking..

Believe it or not I really didn't want to be one of those people who got a BFP and was never heard from again. I blame the holidays- we've been minimally manned since Thanksgiving pretty much until next week. I've been working 12 hour shifts at least 4 days a week. It's not hard work but it is a lot of standing and at the end of the day my energy is sapped. Not to mention the whole OH MY FREAKIN LORD, I'M PREGNANT!? thing I have going on pretty much every day. I'm heading into week 12, it has been an amazingly smooth ride. I still have minor freak outs (WHAT IF THERE'S REALLY NOTHING IN THERE??)but I've managed to stay vaguely sane.

Christmas was really nice, if you gloss over the monumental all day sickness I had. But I've had a few moments of nausea since so I'm guessing it was just one final blow out. I got incredibly spoiled with a huge box of stuff from Sep.hora (so much lip gloss!), books, new jammies and gift cards. I LOVE getting gift cards! I know some people aren't fans but for me they can never be wrong. Everyone fawned over me, congratulations were abundant..it was nice, I'm not usually a fan of being in the center of attention like that but I think I earned it.

Now we're just getting ready for this deployment at the end of the month, all the packing and appointments that come with those kinds of things. We (ok, I) decided this morning we're going to take one last quick trip to Dis.ney before he goes. Just a 3 day jaunt, going at a slow pace. I'm not a fan of babies at Dis.ney so I can only assume it will be years before we get to go again but I'm ok with that.