Wearing the maternity pants wouldn't be so bad if I looked a wee bit pregnant. I still look like I had a big lunch. And a big breakfast. Like I stored up fat for a long winter even though I live in tropical climate. I even lost 4 pounds since this whole thing started! Which is good because you only gain 25 during pregnancy right? Cuz that's all I'm gonna gain. well, actually 29 pounds since I'm negative 4 pounds. I'm pretty sure that's how math works.

Our ultrasound got moved up a week since the rotator (the huge ass aircraft that they pile all the troops and their gear in for an 18 hour flight to their theater locations) is leaving much sooner than we thought. Fun Fact: no actual clue when it leaves we only get about 48 hours notice to his departure time but we get strong hints. Its probably the best part of being part of a special ops base and its secret squirrel tactics. So we get to on monday and see the Dark Passenger..I'm nervous. A million bad things are all I can think about, really just one bad thing. Nothing but seeing a live person bopping around in there will fix those fears. And I'm a fearful and guilt ridden wench these days. I feel like I betrayed my tribe a bit. I sort of expected these feelings but it doesn't make me feel better though or less guilty about being pregnant which is probably a stupid thing to say and it's ok if you just called me a retarded whore. I think it's the hyper awareness that not everyone gets to go on this trip and for some it doesn't end well. Just a big ball of angst over here.