Stupid router making me be without internet! Seriously, who knew those things need batteries? We have telephone and internet through our local cable company and it uses a special modem that requires a special battery (like its 1990) that they don't have just laying around. I don't think they understand my need to read i can has cheeseburger at anytime the need strikes. Also pretty sure they are lying about the whole not having the battery on hand.

So...the baby shower was ok- turns out those people own thier own LIMO. Who the hell just OWNS a limo?? It wasn't too bad, I just drank steadily through the whole thing. It was nice to see my mom's old friend but every five minutes was more about holy shit you have a limo and this wine I'm drinking by the bottle is older than I am! Because I'm a classy bitch.

IUI number 2 officially done! I had it on Thursday, 2 follicles at 25 and 1 at 22. We had gone with our first choice donor. Last donor was 7.1 million..this guy was 42.7 million with 63% motility (I forgot to ever ask what the motility was on the 1st donor). So I'm feeling pretty good about that! They told us when we got into the room what the stats were and then left for me to get undressed and Husband was nattering on about something and I had to tell him, I like you and all but seriously I cannot concentrate with that much sperm in the room. Thankfully he thinks I'm funny. About an hour after we got home things were much less fun. I usually get a bit of ovulation pinching especially on my right, exactly the side whose turn it was this month. It felt like running of the bulls ovulation..like they were all trying to leave the ovary at once and got stuck in the doorway. Which these are my eggs, I wouldn't put that kind of klutzyness past them. And now we wait! We've decided that if this is the magic cycle for us we're going to say it didn't work and then tell our parents on christmas since it's so close. And if it doesn't we're going to take the next 2 months off and pick up in January after the holidays.

(Stupid 2WW.)

Brazilians and cocktails and boppys oh my!

Well tomorrow I had planned on doing copious amounts of laundry and laying on the couch with my hand in the band of my jammie pants reading. Instead I'll be going to a baby shower for a 17 year old girl I used to baby sit. Yeah. Her mom is one of my mom's oldest friends and apparently she didn't even find out the girl was pregnant until about a month ago..she's due in 3 weeks. It'll be like a real life episode of Secret Life of the American Teenager. And to be really honest- I'm only going because the lady's new husband is super loaded and they have this awesome house that was just in a national design magazine and they throw these amazing balls out parties. Teenage parenting be damned, I'm having Brazilian bbq and custom cocktails! When she married her new husband he wanted more children so they did IVF with the same RE we use. At our first appointment I sat down to get blood drawn and I saw her on a birth announcement. A small world indeed! I'm just gonna get the chick a bop.py and be done with it!

I find this to be funny as hell: Somewhere in our house I have hidden my husband's battery packs for his xbox controllers. They are in with the cleaning products..maybe if he'd do a few chores he would find them..its been 4 days. Its killing him since Bat.man Ark.ham Asylum came out last week and he only got to play it for a few hours. I'm sticking to the claim that the hormones make me do these thing.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.........

Ok, its not really that bad but still. DAMMIT. I just wanted one damn thing to go well. The appointment Wednesday went ok- lining was good and had 4 follicles. The plan was to check everything again this morning and hopefully get the green light to trigger over the weekend and do the IUI first thing Monday. Everything is still good, they just want the follicles to get a wee bit bigger so they think they'll look at everything on Monday then trigger then with IUI to follow. I had 3 12's and 1 10 follicle..I thought that was good but I guess think 2 days will improve everything a bit. I guess I just didn't realize how much I had myself set up for a Monday IUI..and it would have given me a 3 day weekend which I haven't had since like May. Such a small thing but today it brought the big things into focus..why is this so fucking hard? This was all I ever wanted- and its not like I've been drawing the luck card on a lot in life. I knew that starting this process would stir up a lot and it has really started to well up the past week or so. But that's what the therapy is for right?

Blarghy. Gonna chalk this all up to horomones.

Kids these days

I just saw something on tv about girls who wear bracelets or buttons with different colors basically promoting the things they are willing to do or have done sexually. I was repulsed at first but then realized my weddings pretty much tell the world "I Go All The Way. A Lot." I bet my Grandma even knows!

Onward and in a straight line

IUI zwei is a go! First monitoring appointment yesterday went well- everything is where its supposed to be and progressing at an acceptable rate. I took my mom with me and they explained everything they were doing to her and showed her all around my inside bits on the ultrasound. Which that was cool and all but to do that you gotta leave the wand in there for what I'm going to call an uncomfortable amount of time. But I think she has clearer picture of the process now and maybe she can stop asking questions that could easily be googled. Specimen was ordered today, we went with our top choice, the one we had picked quite a while back. It's very strange to place the order. You do it over the phone it only takes about 5 minutes and the word SPERM never comes up but we both know what we're talking about. I have to hold back to keep myself from yelling HOT JIZZ and hanging up the phone at the end of the order. Because I lack a sense of maturity and have impulse control issues. I start the letr.ozole today and return to the RE on the 19th. I really hope this works because A) I really want a freaking baby like yesterday and B) If I have morning sickness there is NO possible way I could cook Christmas dinner for 15 like I offered to do this year.

In a side note..I WANT NEW CLOTHES! I'm afraid to buy any though. As soon as I go buy new things I will magically fall pregnant and none of them will fit. Or I'll buy them and it will send a signal to my lady junk that I don't seriously intend to be pregnant as I have all these new fancy threads to fit into. I have one pair of jeans that fit and 2 pairs of work pants. Everything else is ridiculously large. I know it's better than being to small but I look like a hobo every time I leave the house. To make up for all this I have been buying shoes and lip glosses. Can't have too many of either right?

We're getting closer! 3 more days of BCPs- I remember why now a million years ago I quit taking the things and switched to latex and prayer (jokes on me!). My mom is going to go with me to my monitoring appointment and then we're going to go look at baby things for a baby shower (and a bit for myself too). My RE is about 45 minutes away so I try to pack as much as I can when I make those trips like shopping and having lunch at maca.roni grill. Also I figure if I take my mom she'll stop asking so many questions. I swear she has the memory of a pea, its nice that she's involved but dang I hate repeating myself!

**Whining Ahead- the poor me, I got sand in my vagina kind**

Not to super long after I started this blog in 2008 I wrote a bit about how my cousin lost her daughter at 31 weeks. It was of course awful and I was terribly sad for her. Her boyfriend left her soon after that and she moved back in with her mom- and we all knew it was just a matter of time before she was off living with another guy, any guy that would get her pregnant. And guess what?? About 3 months ago she hooked up with a guy she had dated in the past and is now pregnant! Neither of them work, he's a convicted felon who doesn't have custody of the other 2 children he has with 2 different women. None of this matters to her because she's finally having her baby! Which to be fair I totally understand the drive and want and cannot even start to imagine the soul sucking loss of a child. But really? Way to jack up that kid's life just because you couldn't get your life in order..she once got fired from Hoot.ers for being "slow" and she was just a hostess. I'm gonna be honest if it hasn't already shown: I don't care for her much. We weren't close growing up..she was pampered and given whatever she wanted by the same relatives who pretty much ignored me. She is completely dependent on the men in her life and only had the first child so someone would "finally love her". Just sigh. I'm not mad at her, I don't begrudge her this pregnancy but I'm not exactly super thrilled about the life this baby will have. Family is great right?

Meh.

I'm just a big ol ball of pulsating hate these days. Just like my coffee- extra bitter. For pretty much no reason it seems. Work is ok, no family dramas, weather is starting to cool off and I hate the whole fucking world. It isn't even fertility related..I actually got some good cuddle time in yesterday with a 21 day old newborn. My coworker's wife brought in their baby to see me especially since he was born on my birthday! He was so little and sqwooshee! Still had that fresh baked smell. I actually had a better day after that. I love babies, through all these years it has never bothered me to be around them. Interacting with babies sort of gives me a little hope and I'd hate to cut myself off from something so wonderful. I also made the choice to stop seeing a counselor for the time being. I want to go back during pregnancy or if we get keep getting BFNs. I know I need to be able to talk with a neutral party while I don't have the option of medication during treatments and pregnancy. I think I might just be feeling a general malaise..the weather changing, a lull in our workload. I think once we get closer to the middle of October and really get started on the next cycle things will perk up.