The post where I have a baby

Yeah, I fail at blogging. At some point after my baby shower I started to feel really low. I can't explain it or put a finger on what really was going on. I really regressed on all my positive feelings about having a baby and fear took over. I had a hard time facing the fact that I was pregnant, let alone going to have a baby- maybe. Since I was on bedrest I pretty much just laid in a dark room and had a pity party, for no reason. Everyone was so super excited about the impending birth and that just made me feel like an even bigger asshole. At my 38 week appointment my protein levels were elevated and my BP was a tad higher. The OB got with my kidney Dr and they decided that I was heading towards pre eclampsia for realsies so if I'd made no progress by 39 weeks I'd be induced that night or the next day.

I wasn't having any of that.

Of course at the 38 week appt my cervix was all sealed up and not even looking like it was going to be open for business any time soon. This was a Wednesday, the plan was made that on Saturday we'd go out to the outlet mall and walk- for hours if needed. I kept telling everyone "I'm not getting induced!". Saturday we walked, Sunday I paid the price with an aching everything and not even a braxton hicks contraction to show for it. Monday and Tuesday I cleaned and did last minute bill paying and errands and took my dogs to my mom's house Tuesday afternoon. All day Tuesday I was in a foul ass mood. Just everything in the world was pissing me off, I figured it had to do with being induced the next day- I just knew it was going to happen despite my best effort. My husband was working until 11pm so I just relaxed as best I could and read. He got home and got to listen to me bitch and moan about being induced until I finally let him fall asleep about 1:30am. About 2:30am I'm laying in bed reading and I shifted a bit and heard a wet popping sound..but nothing came out or happened so I just figured it was some gross pregnant vagina thing. I figured I'd get up to pee since I was going every 15 minutes anyhow and when I wiped I noticed blood and mucous..an investigation further reveals my mucous plug is gone! I'm excited because now maybe they will give me a few extra days to go into labor on my own instead of inducing. I go into the living room and I'm hit with the urge to pee AGAIN so I head back to the bathroom. After I'm done going, I realize fluid is still coming out..and its a funky green color. I come to the conclusion that I'm leaking fluid and the baby has had a bowel movement..I need to call labor & delivery, even though I know they will tell me to come in. I throw on a pad and I'm standing in the hall on the phone with a nurse, explaining the leaking and the color:

Nurse: Are you sure your water didn't break?
Me: I'm positive. Its just a little fluid but the color is green. There's been no gushing just a sma..*sploosh*! My water just broke. I'm coming in.

Thank god I was wearing a pad it was pretty gross! I go wake up Husband and we grab my already packed bags and haul ass out to the car. We get in and he turns to me and says " Where's the hospital?? How do I get there??" Um, the same place its always been. Seriously guy, I need you to focus! We to the hospital and I'm in a room and hooked up in no time. This all happened pretty quick- I felt the pop at 2:30 I was in a room at 3:15am. Contractions still hadn't started but I was able to talk them off the pitocin until my doula could get there. Come to find out they don't let you have anyone beyond 1 support person until 7 am. So basically I napped until 7 am when the shift changed and the new nurse came in with the OB. They were concerned about the darkness of my fluid but it wasn't quite bad enough to make them call it a c-section right away. They started my pitocin about 7:30 and we were in the countdown!

At 9:30am the OB came back in and decided he still didn't like the color of my fluid and placed amnio infusion cath into my uterus. Until this time the contractions were there but totally bearable. I was super confident in deciding to go drug free and was feeling pretty good. The amnio infusion was super painful when they placed it and immediately kicked up the intensity of the contractions. By the time my doula got there at 10:30 I was in terrible pain. The contractions were 1 min apart and lasting about 45 seconds..so I couldn't catch my breath and I was starting to hyperventilate. They gave me oxygen because the baby wasn't liking what was going on either. At that point I made the choice to get an epidural. I knew if I couldn't calm down it would stress the baby out more and I would end up with a c-section. When they finally came to place the epidural, it took almost an hour to do it and even then it didn't seem to be fully working. I had enough relief to catch my breath but I was still in a lot of pain. It was now about 12:30pm and I was about 3cm. The next few hours were a bit blurry. There was a lot of pain, they came and upped the epidural 2 more times until I was at max dosage and it just wasn't working. About 4 pm I hit max pain. Jenny, my doula, had been watching the monitor and me told me she was pretty sure I was in transition. About 4:45 I was really feeling a need to push. I had been feeling pressure and an urge but I wanted to conserve energy for "real" pushes. When they checked I was at 10 cm! I told the nurse and she said ok, that I could try some "practice" pushes. They went and got my mom from the lobby and the nurse called the OB to let him know I was progressing and wanted to "try" pushing. Everyone got in position and I gave it a pretty good try..and felt a huge pressure drop down. The nurse yelled "Stop pushing, I see hair!" Things went really quick after that: Another nurse came in to help break the bed down, the NICU team came in be there in case she had aspirated meconium and all the while I'm still pushing! The OB came running in shoved his hands into a gown and gloves, sat down and we got down to serious business. I heard my husband say I see the head and then I heard there she is! I started to say is she almost out? and they put her on my chest! I had felt intense pressure and burning but I really expected it to hurt more (don't get me wrong, it really fucking hurt!) but didn't think it was her coming just normal for that stage of labor. And the only thing numb from the epidural was the top of my right thigh!

Amelia Maeve was born on July 11, 2012 at 5:10pm after 20 minutes of pushing! She was a bitty baby, 6lbs even and 19.5inches. She was so alert! She was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen and I couldn't look at her enough. I did have a severe internal tear which was awesome..it took longer to stitch than it did to push. The room looked like a crime scene there was so much blood. And that's pretty much the whole story! She's 6 weeks old and we're doing great. Somethings haven't been so awesome, like breastfeeding, but that's a whole other novel of its own.

And now baby:

Fresh out of the oven, Daddy already smitten

The next morning

Daddy and his girl doing what they do best