For the love of extra cheese and bacon

In the last few days I've become convinced that the reason this cycle didn't work was because I didn't lose 10lbs beforehand. So I cleaned out the pantry this weekend, threw out all non healthy snack stuff, made a huge pot of chicken & dumplings from scratch with biscuits as one last huge blow out dinner yesterday. Packed a healthy lunch for work today, cooked myself a healthy egg white breakfast bright and early and made sure my gym clothes were in the car so I would have no excuse not to go to the gym. A healthy lunch and snacks were consumed along with a ton of water, but then a wild customer appeared! I had to stay late and hit traffic! I said fuck it and went home! I twisted my husband's arm into going to a local burger place here.. their motto is literally "if you can see the grease through the bag you know its good!". Bacon cheeseburger with extra pickles and fries, don't mind if I do! SIGH. I'll start tomorrow. But I'm pretty serious about that 10 pounds. I got my eye you. (The other eye is on Kri.spy Kre.me. FOCUS!)

I found this on my desk today with a note that said hope you need this REALLY soon! I work in a military office and we have people rotating out every few months and one of the outgoing Air.men left it for me. I got a little teary eyed- its nice to have people cheering you on even better from unexpected sources. BCPs continue otherwise not much going on. Oh wait- rumour has it another deployment is probably coming. Sometime before thanksgiving. Awesome- I'll get to (*hopefully*) explain to people how I got pregnant while my spouse was deployed.

Once in a blue moon

Not every day as an Infertile sucks ass. It's rare but every so now and then there comes a day- a day when its all about me. A day that probably wouldn't happen if I was a parent. I've been off all week, we had a trip planned to Dis.ney World but the IUI got scheduled for this week originally so we cancelled it and I kept my leave. If we had rugrats I don't think I would have taken the leave just because I could- I would need it for dr appointments and school things. Not to mention all trips would have to take place around school holidays..not just whenever we feel like it. So a whole week off..and I have done not a damn thing. I literally laid on the couch for 6 hours yesterday watching tv and surfing the net. I barely rubbed 2 brain cells together. And today was my masterpiece! I woke up about 10, read the paper, petted the pooch then left for my mani/pedi. Its only about 73 today which is a miracle for this time of year in Florida so I went to Star.bucks and got my bucket-o-coffee (trenta iced coffee with 5 pumps of toffee nut & nonfat milk) and read outside for about an hour :

I love my Kin.dle it goes everywhere with me

After that I decided to grab some lunch so I got some sushi to go from our favorite place and headed to the beach..all outdoor activities are highly shaded, I'm a redhead and sizzle after about 20 minutes in direct sunlight. I ate, I read and reveled in the fact that while I would prefer to be a mother above all things, that for once today it didn't suck to be me.

I only live about 5 minutes from the Gulf of Mexico, I can actually see it from my kitchen.

BFN

But I'm not surprised. I just had a feeling it didn't take, the rush job on the IUI didn't boost my confidence but about a week after I pretty much knew. I commenced to pee on anything remotely considered to be a pregnancy test anyhow. My Lady showed up yesterday confirming what the tests had been telling me. I called my mom to tell her the news and hilarity ensued:

Me: That red headed bitch showed up at my house today!

Mom: Your Aunt Steffanie is in town?

Ah the joy of being in a ginger with all female ginger relatives!

I'm not that upset- I sorta knew it wasn't gonna work but I'm hopeful and still have a pretty positive outlook on this whole thing. On the other side 1 down only 5 paid IUIs left. Yikes. Starting BCPs today and I made sure to get strict instructions and repeated them back to the nurse. Looks like the week of 24 Oct 11 for go time.

And now I'd like to have a word with all the pregnancy tests in the audience. I don't come to your house and act like an asshole do I? If you asked me a simple yes or no question I would at least pretend to think about for a minute before responding. Maybe a furrowed brow to show I'm really putting some mental weight into it, or ask if I could call a lifeline. I might even consult wikipedia or a quick google search. I wouldn't be a like "Hell No!" right after the question left your mouth making you feel like a complete dumbass for even asking. I'm just saying you might want to mind your manners a little bit more in the future. Maybe even say yes in the future, perhaps? We'll work on it.

All the things!

Everything is a symptom. Which makes me believe of course, that it totally did not work. I've been spending the past few days at work playing with boobs..poking and smushing them. Yeah they hurt but is it an UNUSUAL hurt? Over all I feel vaguely premenstrual..but I have to keep reminding myself- duh bitch, even if you are pregnant you're only like 3 days in! I knew the 2ww would be bad but I actually didn't count on this level of obsession. I POAS after the trigger..just wanted to see what those 2 lines would look like. Not really that gratifying since I knew it wasn't real. I'm only 6dpiui..I'm not even sure when to expect symptoms even if I got a BFP next week. I sorta forgot I asked for leave all of next week, so now I have nothing else to do but sit and obsess. At least it something I'm good at!

Done deal

Well that was anticlimactic.

First IUI over and done with though! We were at the office maybe 35 minutes altogether and that includes the 10 minutes laying down after the IUI. Husband got to push the plunger, I thought it was nice of them to allow that. The only minor hiccup was with the sperm. The cryo bank guarantees 10 million at least and our vial was only 7.2. The office had already called and talked to them, they will issue us a credit or a if it didn't work a free vial next time. We actually had 2 donors that we felt were really great matches for us so if we don't get a positive I think we'll just move to the other donor, no biggie really. I had some cramping- it was like the HSG all over again. I have a narrow cervix so they had to use the clamps to get the catheter in. It was pretty neat they used the ultrasound on my belly and let us see the catheter in my uterus and like a grey mist when Husband pushed the plunger. I was joking with the Dr that I had thought about doing it the way normal people get pregnant, by drinking a bottle of wine the night before. Seriously it did occur to me I was just too lazy to go buy any. I wanted to go to Maca.roni Grill but at that point the need to lay down on my soft bed out weighed my need for pasta and bread. It was a tough call. I did ask the nurse if I had to come back for a test or do I just do one (or 20) at home..they said it was up to me. I told her truthfully I was going to start peeing on things as soon as the internet said I could.

So now, we wait!

Can't carry a tune

Can't follow directions very well either it seems.

I went this morning for my blood work and ultrasound..The Dr comes in, they can't find my treatment plan. So they ask me what days I took the meds and I tell them exactly what they told me and I had written down..5 days of BCPs 5 days of Letro.zole. Tension rises. They find the notes where yes someone did talk to me and call all that stuff in..but it was supposed to be 10 days of BCPs then 5 of Letro.zole. Which sounds right, because they other way didn't BUT when I called to confirm it was 5 days of each they said that was correct. Well for the past day or so I had been getting what I know to be ovulation indicators..increased CM and a really heavy feeling in my ovary areas..well yeah cuz I got some big ass follies up in there! 1 was at 30, 1 at 24 and 1 at 16- all on the left. The right had a bunch of tiny ones under 6. So they pow-wow for a minute and came back with - well it was a huge communication error, our bad..trigger tonight and come back for the IUI on friday.

That was unexpected. I was mentally prepared for the 9th or 12th..I think I'm a little nervous. A coworkers husband is a flight medic so he is going to give me the shot..and I'll wake up at 5am my time and order the swim team! Turns out my fuck up wasn't too bad after all! And I get to go to Maca.roni Gri.ll After!!

I wish I could say my mental health day I took last week relaxed me a bit. The plan was to take my kindle and go out to the beach to read and people watch. The reality was I did laundry all day and never even got around to putting on a bra or real clothes. Being an adult blows sometimes.

Took a mental health day off work..

And not a single shit was given all day.

Highly recommended.